Which is why I can’t think of a subtitle for this article — It takes me a long time to write an erotica story. My favorite parts are the set-ups, and they usually come pretty easily. It’s always a kooky premise with strange characters in ridiculous situations. That stuff writes itself, really. But the actual sex part of a sex story? It’s excruciating…

The sign outside the jewellery store said “No shirt, no shoes, no service.” I happened to be barefoot and shirtless, which meant I had to serve myself. Serve myself all the diamonds, that is. Late at night. When the store was closed. In retrospect, it’s probably not a good idea…

The two mortal sins go together like love and marriage — My wife’s boss was tall, handsome, successful, funny, and confident. He was more or less everything that I am not, and I hated him with every fiber of my being. So, when she started spending late nights at the office, I naturally got a little concerned. I mean they’re ad…

When you cheat on your wife, payback is a bitch — I knew I should have built a bigger house for Marlow. He’s a St. Bernard and he takes up a lot of space. I’m 6' 3'’ and 220 pounds, so I take up even more space. Of course, none of this would matter if I hadn’t fucked my assistant. My…

Italian food the way Mamma used to make it — if you were a latchkey kid — One bite of Chef Boyardee’s Beef Ravioli, and I’m transported to Rome, Italia circa AD 55, where I’m watching a Christian do battle with a lion from Nero’s fancy Emperor box at the Colosseum. So authentic is this canned pasta meal, that I can imagine every detail of that exciting…

He’s an Oscar winner now. Let’s see his range — A Goonies sequel is coming, and we all know it. There have been rumors for decades, but Ke Huy Quan’s Oscar win now makes it inevitable. There’s actually already an IMDB page, with an expected release date of April 23, 2027. That’s pretty far away, and a lot can happen…

They’ll never truly be alive until they’ve experienced rejection and bitterness — A half-century ago, filmmakers such as James Cameron and the Wachowski sisters prophesized the end of human civilization at the hands of AI. Based on this grim vision of the future, we all came to assume sentient machines would evolve to have nothing but malice and contempt for the species…

I know I deserve it — I don’t know what I was thinking. Last Saturday was my birthday, and instead of hanging out with my beautiful wife Jen, I went out after work with some coworkers and got totally smashed. By the time I got home, I was so blitzed that I could barely see. The…

If you ask me, the judges in the Salem Witch Trials have been treated unfairly by history. First of all, they only executed 20 people, which isn’t really that big of a deal. On most days, I execute that many people before lunch, and I’m not even a judge. Secondly…